Friday, January 10, 2014

Dear Diary (blogger)

Dear Diary (blogger)

I made a resolution to pay more attention to you this year. Obviously I'm failing, since it's already the 10th and I'm just now showing my face. I don't know what to say. I could use the whole it's not you, it's me excuse but that's not technically the truth—it sorta is you. Let's face it you're not as quick or fun as Twitter and you're definitely not as interactive as Facebook. You're sorta stingy about showing people what I have to say and you often act up for no reason at all. 
Despite your flaws, I'm here and I'm going to give you a chance. I'd tell you to remind me to post daily but we already established you sorta suck at that. 
*sigh I guess I'll take full responsibility. 

Anyhoo, back to my day. 

Here's what I've learned today: 

1) It sucks major full-bladder, when the handle of the toilet decides to break off in the middle of the night. I'm not sure how this is even possible. I kinda feel that plastic should be stronger than that Gorilla Glue they're always advertising. Just saying.
2) Having a six-foot standee of Jacob Black in the middle of your living room in the dead hours of night, does not help your full-bladder as you try to get to the guest bathroom. Needless to say, Jacob's cardboard ears are still burning from the string of bad words, I may or may not have said. 
3) My right thumb has mad typing skills. If thumb typing was an Olympic sport, I'm pretty sure I'd get gold—okay, maybe silver. I'd like to thank Apple and the creators of iPhone for making this possible
4) Edits suck. Even if they come in with a flowery letter of love (BTW they didn't) they still suck. They pretty much translate to—what the hell were you thinking when you wrote this section. Sure your sweet editor doesn't say it like that but we all know they wanted to send you a dunce hat. Never fear I'm fashioning my hat later tonight.

Well, there you go—that was my day in a nutshell. Pretty boring unless Jacob made me pee my pants—which he didn't...really... oh hell, I'll never tell. 
I guess I'll talk to you again tomorrow or maybe not. 

PS: I think the guy they picked to play Four in Divergent is smoking hot. Don't tell hubby. 

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